nettumbles:

toastycadenza:

princekarkat:

xerovision:

I WANT THEM

*gutteral whining*

gdi why can’t i just be a dapper young lad

ugghh the bottom left one I WANT IT. I never ear formal or fancy clothes BUT THIS WOULD MAKE ME

(Source: nitemea)

fastpuck:

dakt37:

dozygoats:

wardenmpreg:

dualscarshotgills:

tresaisaspecialflower:

You read 603 words per minute.
That makes you 141% faster than the national average.

whoop whoop

You read 268 words per minute.
That makes you 7% faster than the national average.

ha ha ha ha ha haha

You read 159 words per minute.

That makes you 36% slower than the national average.

i’m a good reader just apparently as slow as a 3rd grader

You read 275 words per minute.
That makes you 10% faster than the national average.

About the speed of a 9th grader. Not surprised, but still amused because I read. All. The. Time. You’d think I would get faster eventually, but apparently not.

You read 159 words per minute.
That makes you 36% slower than the national average.

this is why i have trouble getting into books, and especially book series. it’s tedious and frustrating. ._.

You read 526 words per minute.
That makes you 110% faster than the national average.

yeaaaaaayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

You read 207 words per minute.
That makes you 17% slower than the national average.

That’s not fair I read slower in english

The Morning Of

ficsforjackii:

Fic title: The Morning Of

Pairing: John/Dave

Character count: 10,157

Contents: uh?? Implied sex.

Brief Description: John is just freshly out of a long-term relationship and somehow ends up sort of accidentally getting a little drunk and perhaps having sex with some bartender??? The bartender is Dave fun facts. This was loosely based off a picture I don’t have a link too. But the point is it wasn’t based off anything involving Jackii or Pirate whaaaaaaaaaaat

Read More

My dad has nicknames for all of The Avengers characters:

daeneryes:

• The L’Oreal brothers
• Male Katniss
• The green special snowflake who’s always pissed off
• Captain ”my skintight suit will make you feel uncomfortable”
• Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist
• The chick who got added in to make everything look less gay
• Robin
• HE SHOULDN’T HAVE DIED
• The Angry Pirate

Homestuck Upd8

Feelings on Mr. Crocker:

Read More

The last Chapter of “Tying Loose Ends” was fucking hilarious, that’s all there is to say on the matter.

jabberwockyx:

sociallyunacceptableart:

thmbcrmps:

so i was on the deviantart front page today

everyone should do this

I shouldn’t be laughing so hard right now, but I am. Oh dear god, I am.

high resolution →

work by ~Anatckiy

This guy has really awesome works, you should check on his gallery :O

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
-----
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
-----
Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
-----
Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
-----
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
-----
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
-----
Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
-----
Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
-----
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
-----
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
-----
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
-----
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
-----
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
-----
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
-----
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
-----
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
-----
Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
-----
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
-----
Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
-----
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
-----
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
-----
Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
-----
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
-----
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
-----
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."

shezzalenko:

A good friend of mine had just recently lost her mother on monday from cervical cancer. I’ve been unable to get in contact with her until just now when I got her number off a friend since I dont have Facebook and I feel like a complete jerk for not getting to her sooner :( I couldn’t even make it to the funeral today due to an appointment and I find out a lot of my friends/past class mates were all there which makes it seem like I don’t care. I can deal with death much better than a lot of people I know, though it is heartbreaking and I feel like the biggest dickhead for not being there for her and her family when they have lost their mother/wife who died at the young age of 40. A simple text message just isn’t good enough for this, though I am lousy when it comes to speaking to people about these things, I find it easier to write or just use actions but this is just not the case…

Though I don’t believe in God and I know you’ll never read this but I hope you rest in peace Shannon, you were taken away from this earth too early.

and to Jess, I hope you and the rest of your family the best of luck at such a hard time.

I know it isn’t my concern, but I want you to know that its’ actually pretty normal to find it hard to tell your thoughts ti those who lost a relative u_u It’s a fragile topic, and no one is prepared for that kind of situation, even though we learn since always about circle of life.

I’m sure your firend will understand you couldn’t make it to the funeral. For now the better is let her express all the feelings she may want (or not) to let out. Don’t press the subjetc, unless she feels like to talk about it.

And of course give her all the time she needs to easy her mind :)